Mixed emotions

It's been a mixed couple of days emotionally speaking. I went into work on Tuesday as I was feeling fine with the side effects from my first chemo injection. I think the level of support and genuine concern I received from not only the team, but from other people I've worked with was almost overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, this encouragement will carry me along way towards beating this thing, but I was honestly stunned by everyones engagement. When I got home I started to think whether my situation had really sunk in yet...whether I'd almost been taking this disease too light heartedly. But I know that's not the case, it's just the way I've decided to deal with it. Positive thinking, visualisation and just not taking things too damn seriously is what works for me and I will try my hardest to maintain this attitude during the difficult times and decisions that I will face over the coming months and years.

Yesterday was a more stable day emotionally. I'd been told that I could expect a bit of the low as it was the first day off the steriods. I noticed that my 100 meter times had dropped off quite significantly, but other than that, there was no real noticeable difference during the day. Still got a way to go to meet that Olympic qualification standard, but I've worked out that I'm still due 14 more doses of steriods before the opening ceremony, so there's time. Me and Dwaine.....team GB!!

Last night was the first time I really felt any sustained side effect from the treatment. I woke up around 1 o'clock and spent several hours shivering under the duvet, with Len having to re-heat the bean bag to try and keep me warm. Eventually dozed off in the early hours but woke up quite dizzy and drowsy. This gradually wore off during the morning, so by the time we arrived at hospital I felt much better.

So, that brings us to today, the second injection of chemo. It generally takes around three hours to complete the process, taking a blood sample to check platelet counts etc., get the results back from the lab, then administer the anti nausea drug and Velcade. The actual injection of chemo only takes a minute, so I consider myself fortunate when compared to some other chemotherapy regimes. It's then a 10 minute wait before they take blood pressure and pulse, then kick me out. Apparently the Velcade is 'made up' in north London, then couriered down on the day, it's got a short shelf life. I'm sorry, but I just can't get this image out of my mind, of a couple of 'northside' brothers mixing this stuff up in their terraced house in east Hackney, before bottling it up and sending it out on a pizza delivery moped....still, I'm sure it will do the trick!! Back at home now and having had a couple of hours of rest, I'm actually feeling ok.

Regarding a previous comment about how this will effect my golf swing. Well, when I last met the consultant it turned into half medical review, half golf lesson. He's convinced I can still play, but the consultant at Hammersmith is not so sure. So, we spent a good 10 minutes discussing the technicalities of the golf swing and doing air shots in the consulting room.......however, still no decisions made. Maybe I should get in touch with my insurance company to make sure I'm covered for golf tuition!!