Greeted todays paraprotein count with a few tears. I can't deny I'm disappointed that the count has remain at 11, suggesting I've reached this plateau. What I've got to do is remember that the paraprotein count is just a blood indicator and may not correlate directly with the concentration of myeloma cells in my bone marrow. Most importantly, the count is stable....it's not going back up.
But you know what, for whatever reason, today I don't care. I don't feel so positive, I didn't when I woke up, I don't now. Even writing this is making me feel upset, because I think more about what the future holds, not just over the next 6 months, but the next year, 5 years. What challenges lie ahead, how will myeloma impact me, what will my quality of life be like, more importantly, what will my families quality of life be like. Lots of unknowns...and today, I don't feel good about them.
What I won't allow myself to do is wollow....tomorrow is another day. However I will allow myself to get down about the situation I face sometimes, I need to cry, I need to feel not so damn positive about things all the time. It's a release and to not do so would be false and probably not healthy for me.
So, what can I say. I see my consultant next Monday and get his latest view on the results....but I'm assuming no change to the plan at the moment. Yes I'm disappointed....not to the extent I felt as we drove into Eastbourne earlier this summer...but disappointed all the same!!
Hey big guy, hold up - this rollercoaster ride got a lot more twists and turns before you get off with wobbly legs but a life affirming kick
ReplyDeleteHey Pat,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the emotion (and the drain it causes).
As Rob says, sometimes it will get frustrating if the positive progress isn't at the rate you want it. Not easy to deal with it and yeah, you're allowed to get emotional about it.
Keep going big fella and give yourself a break every now and again.
We all need to cry occasionally , although most of us would put it on a blog!!!
ReplyDeleteOne thing that's hit me following your blog over the last few months is that all of us need to live for today what ever the situation.
Your strong motivated and with a fantastic family ... you’ll out live all of us.. /Keith
Hey Billy.... Tough week again! Let it all out. No human being can keep all those emotions locked up, open the flood gates. Your brave positive attitude will return ready to fight another day/week/month. Good luck today with the consultant.
ReplyDelete